2007/08 Review of the Season That Was, In Review

The names, faces, and places that made the 2007/08 Premiership season one of the seasons in Premiership history.

AUGUST

Jens Lehmann drops clangers in back-to-back games, leading Arsene Wenger to drop him in favour of part-time footballer Manuel Almunia. Arsenal soon begin collecting points and also media wankery.

SEPTEMBER

It's a poor start to the season for Bolton, under the "leadership" of Sammy Lee. Things are no better at Newcastle for Sam Allardyce. The former "dynamic duo" of Bolton struggle mightily in their new roles, due to being "complete idiots."

Meanwhile, Jose Mourinho shockingly leaves Chelsea. "S'okay, is no problem," he mumbles casually with a shrug. Swoon. He is replaced by an old Jew.

OCTOBER

Arsenal have company at the top of the media wankery tables: Liverpool, with spotty youth Fernando Torres off to a good start, have turned a corner and will either win or lose the league, which is Arsenal's to win.

NOVEMBER

Manchester United and Chelsea begin to make their presence felt, but Arsenal are close to closing out the league. Cesc Fabregas named Football Writers' Player of the Season.

DECEMBER

Arsenal still ride high atop the table. Getting cold. Ronaldo scoring goals for Manchester United. Petr Cech probably injured around this time.

JANUARY

Winter sets in, dark and cold, a rattling wind that sweeps across the country and metaphorically suggests the end of all life. I could use a decent coat.

Liverpool turn a corner.

Keegan!

FEBRUARY

Arsenal have nearly clinched the title. English clubs advance in Europe because it's the best league in the world, if you can ignore Blackburn getting beat by something called Larissa.

Arsenal stumble, due to an injury to a player that receives very little media attention.

MARCH

Arsenal continue to be the best team in England, though they stop continuing to win games. Cruelly, Manchester United take over at the top of the table. Liverpool still turning corners, are now rhombizoidal.

APRIL

It's Champions League Semi Finals time!

Glad that's over.

MAY

Manchester United crowned Premiership Champions for the 10th time, 17th league title overall. Arsenal finish 3rd, Blackburn further down, Newcastle and Wigan in there somewhere. It's a first winners' medal for Carlos Tevez, who doesn't speak English, never will, and will have to be told to stop kitting out on Saturdays because he has never had an offseason.

Fulham stay up probably because Jimmy Bullard did something, but it's a fate worse than death for Birmingham, Reading, and Andreas Isaksson. Sven Goran Eriksson sacked due to improving the team. Liverpool win at Spurs, the kind of away form that will surely see them contending for the league title next season.