Friday, March 6, 2009

Newcastle's Barton Mercilessly Slashes Season Ticket Prices

Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton has mercilessly, viciously slashed season ticket prices by an average of nine per cent in a bid to fill the empty seats at St James' Park.

The reductions for next season will take the cost of watching games for the majority of tickets holders back to 2007-08 levels.

Said Barton, "We could all see the empty seats and I felt it was time to pummel the prices down to the pavement, repeatedly. Money is tight for the supporters."

Speaking of the dwindling crowds, persistent relegation worries, and the losses of James Milner and Shay Given, Barton said, "It has been a tough season - nobody will pretend otherwise - but together, we must all look to better times ahead. It starts with getting the support back, and I felt the best way was to slash and batter the ticket prices into something almost unrecognisable.

"I went to the owner with my ideas and after a bit pf persuasion he eventually saw my way of thinking on it."

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley, who was unavailable for comment but is expected to make a full recovery, backed Barton's idea.


Bones said...

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Justin said...

Thanks for reading! You're the first person who's ever left a comment. I appreciate it.

Bones Berry said...

No problem. I think they're all hilarious. The last two were brilliant as well. Sorry I didn't say anything about them; I didn't mean to discourage you from writing. I always share with people and check for more from time to time. You are a very good writer and have a sharp sense of humor. I've been meaning to write some similar satirical blogs but never get around to it.