John Terry Insists England Can Watch the World Cup

Pretoria - With traditional powers Italy and France already on the way home, and Spain and Germany both displaying vulnerabilities, former England captain John Terry insisted the Three Lions have what it takes to watch the World Cup.

'I think what you saw with them (France and Italy) is the difference between English players and the rest. With no disrespect, we won't just get on the plane and go home. We have what it takes to stay here, right here in the hotel, until the very end of the World Cup.'

England's improved performance against Slovenia has again raised expectations, but Terry was steadfast that his teammates would not be drawn into overconfidence.

'We know we can beat anybody, and also lose to anybody. That's the way it goes, but win, lose, or draw, come the end of the tournament, we'll still be here. A World Cup Final only comes around once every four years, and I can assure you we have no intention of missing it.'

Rob Green's World Cup Diary

June 7
Arrived in South Africa. So excited. No idea if I will be playing against USA, but am ready to go if selected. Team spirit is high - energy, confidence, commitment, passion. Can't wait to show the rest of the world - this is OUR game. Leds (editor - Ledley King) says he is feeling fit and healthy.

June 8
Training. Felt sharp. Handling was clean, footwork quick. It's cold here. Jamo (ed - David James) says it's because it's winter in the southern hemisphere. The lads had a good laugh at that one.

June 9
Training. Again, felt great. Made a good save from Lamps (ed - Frank Lampard) and the gaffer made eye contact with me. I think he smiled. I think I'm starting against USA.

June 10
More training. Missing the family. Spent a lot of time on the phone with the missus. Will need to top off her Virgin minutes. Saw some wild elephants on the road to Rustenburg. Jamo said some of them can live to be 60 years old. That guy has us laughing all the time!

June 11
Thought the gaffer might tell us who's starting, but he didn't. Jamo said we should all mentally prepare as if we're going to play. Have to try to get to sleep early. When you next hear from me, I will have made my World Cup debut. COME ON ENGLAND!!

June 12
I am so, so sorry.

June 13
Time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get on with it. Jamo said he knew exactly how I felt. Harty (ed - Joe Hart) said he hopes he never does anything like that. Stevie (ed - Steven Gerrard) joked around, pretending to be really mad. Clem (ed - Ray Clemence) said the important thing is to learn from it. I told him I'd never let England down again. He said I should probably just worry about West Ham from now on.

Mourinho Moves to Madrid in Last Football Story of the Summer

After leading Inter Milan to a glorious treble, Jose Mourinho will assume the reigns at Real Madrid next season, replacing the fired Manuel Pellegrini at the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu. Mourinho, 47, promises to end Barca's dominance in La Liga and return los blancos to European prominence.

Pundits and commentators seized on the news. "The timing was wonderful," said Trevor Dailey of Sky Sports News. "With football finished for the summer, people are ready to turn their interest to cricket, or Wimbledon, or the Tour de France. It was our last chance to capture the attention of football fans."

Said the BBC's Tim Gleasen, "It's not easy to sustain interest over the summer, so it was a relief to see the world's most high-profile manager sign with the most glamorous club. Especially since we have three months of nothing coming up."

Liverpool Fans Shockingly Shocked by Predictable Exit of Benitez

'Thank you for six great years, during which I aged fourteen years.'

Liverpool fans continue to be shockingly shocked in the wake of Rafa Benitez's entirely predictable dismissal from the club he managed for six years. Despite spending more than 240 million pounds on no less than 70 players, Benitez ultimately succeeded in building essentially a two-man team, which was obvious to everyone who is not a Liverpool fan.

Liverpool supporters flooded internet message boards with messages of thanks and support for their former manager, and of course, grief:

- I'm literally in tears. It shouldn't have had to end this way. Not like this.

- What a fantastic man he is, a true legend

- Good luck Rafa - we never deserved you anyway

- weeping like a girl

- Sitting in work trying hard not to cry

- YNWA Rafa La

- I am crying like a baby

- For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground. And tell sad stories of the death of kings

- I've been in denial really since last night, but now it's really hit home. I'm crying.

- You fought for us and we in turn fought for you, YNWA my friend.

- This feels like an old friend has just died.

- God bless you Rafa

In a departure from WFNFTW policy, the above quotes have not been fabricated. They are 100% genuine messages from a leading Liverpool website which shall remain unnamed, but which in fact is Red and White Kop (www.redandwhitekop.com)

Massimo Busacca, Frank De Bleeckere Reach Champions League Final

De Bleeckere, or possibly Busacca

Swiss referee Massimo Busacca will meet Belgian referee Frank De Bleeckere in the UEFA Champions League Final at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium, Madrid, on 22 May.

Busacca advanced after defeating Bayern Munich and Lyon, while in a clinical display, Belgian veteran De Bleeckere dispatched Barcelona and Inter Milan.

"We lost to the more powerful opponent," Inter manager Jose Mourinho said. "What can you do? My players tried, but always, De Bleeckere was there."

Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola could only agree. "Jose and I discussed it, and I said to him, 'If he (De Bleeckere) needlessly sends off one of your players, surely he will disallow a goal by one of mine.' And that's what happened."

Busacca's performance was less showy but just as effective, as he demoralized players from both teams and efficiently silenced the fans at Lyon's Stade de Gerlande.

Oddsmakers have made De Bleeckere and early favorite.

Arsenal Done In by Promising Youngster

Arsenal came a cropper in the second leg of their Champions League quarterfinal tie with Barcelona, felled by four goals from plucky youngster Lionel Messi, a 22-year-old striker from Argentina. The spirited little fireplug, undaunted by being the shortest player on the pitch and maybe in the world, managed to navigate his way around his older and larger opponents, much to the delight of the Catalan crowd, who have taken the tenacious underdog to their hearts.

While Arsenal are left licking their wounds after another Champions League disappointment, the football world is slowly starting to take notice of the promising performances of this young hopeful, dubbed by some the "New Saviola." But he's not letting it go to his head.

"I just try to do my best and score three or four goals every game, leaving despairing defenders trailing helplessly in my wake, cursing their fate and perhaps regretting their decision to play football in the first place," Messi said. "I just try to do my best."

Even Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola has been impressed by the brave urchin's recent performances. Said Pep, "He's beginning to make it difficult to leave him off the team sheet."

Barca next face Italian champions Inter and taciturn manager Jose Mourinho in the semifinals.

UEFA to Introduce "More Dramatic" Champions League Theme

UEFA President Michel Platini today announced plans to introduce a new Champions League theme, beginning with this year's final in Madrid, to replace the current theme, which he called "too subtle."

"This is the Champions League," Platini said. "We need a theme that expresses the glory and splendor of modern football, as played by teams like Barcelona, Manchester United, Chelsea, and sometimes even Real Madrid."

Platini feels the current theme, in use since 1992, is a "good start" on which to build what he calls "The really super magnificent theme of the future."

"Why must we use only three languages in our theme?" Platini asked. "Why not use all the languages of Europe? And why only a seventy person choir? Why not fill a stadium with singers, and violinists, and drummers? There could also be doves."

Platini also feels that the current theme's lyrics are too understated and its trumpet flares too muted.

"I won't be writing the lyrics myself, of course," Platini said. "But if I were going to, they would be something like....and a one, and a two....


Champions, We are Champions
Kings, Gods, We are Lords and Kings
Glory be to us, the Kings of Heaven and Earth

"Then there could be some drums, and canons going off, and then...

Champions, Kings and Master,
We are special and beautiful
Glory to the Champions Who Are We,
Glory Glory to All, to the Champions

"Something like that," Platini said.