Wayne Rooney Pays Tribute to Sir Alex: "He Never Shuts Up"

Wayne Rooney, fast maturing into one of the top players in the world, paid tribute to Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson, claiming that the fiery Scot never shuts up.

"You can't help but learn from him," said Rooney. "He's done and seen so much in football, won so many important trophies that he tells us about. You can learn from that. There's someone called Willie Miller who he often speaks of, and Alex McLain or McLeish, and he's always telling us the way these players would do things, and how we should do them the same way. So, you can't help but learn."

Rooney, who will appear in his second World Cup for England in June, praised the ageless manager's tenacity: "If you're around someone every day, for hours and hours, and they're telling you football things that entire time, then, naturally, some of it is going to stick. You can try not listening, or wearing headphones, but really, that doesn't work."

Rooney also had praise for United warhorse Gary Neville, still club captain after nearly two decades at United. "Yeah, he also never shuts up."

Beckham's Injury Ends His Chance of Being World Cup Scapegoat

David Beckham's torn achilles tendon has ended his chance of being England's World Cup scapegoat. The LA Galaxy midfielder, on his second loan spell with AC Milan, has already played in three previous World Cups, but was only universally regarded as the outright scapegoat for England's failure in one of them, the 1998 tournament in France.

"You could argue I was the scapegoat in 2002," Beckham said, "with the way I pulled out of a challenge that led to Brazil's opening goal. But then David (Seaman) did what he did, and, well, there was no topping that."

Although Beckham no longer plays for Manchester United, oddsmakers, and the London tabloid press, nonetheless had him as favorite to be England's scapegoat in South Africa.



Wayne Rooney, the reigning scapegoat from 2006, is once again the bookies' favorite.

Owen Coyle Swaps Horrible Jobs

Sky Sports News is reporting that Owen Coyle has swapped his horrible job managing Burnley for the horrible job of managing Bolton Wanderers.

"Sometimes when you've been in a horrible job for a long time, you need a new challenge," Coyle said. "In this case, a horrible opportunity has come up with Bolton, a club I love and played for, so I'd be mad to turn it down."

Coyle's decision has devastated Burnley fans.

"He's Judas as far as I'm concerned," said Burnley season ticket holder Giles Murray. "We gave him a horrible opportunity, and he's turned his back on it with the job only half-done."

The mood was far brighter in Bolton, where fans welcome the appointment of a former player. "It's just what the club needs," said Bolton Wanderers Supporters' Club chairman John Reeves. "It's win-win for both the club and Owen, though for Owen it's a bit horrible, to be honest."

World's Richest Club Run by Shoe Salesman

Lovable Jimmy Bullard: "I've done me knee, Guv!"

Lovable midfielder Jimmy Bullard illuminated Hull's game at Aston Villa yesterday with his unique brand of cheeky chappy humour, scintillating skills, and inevitable knee injury.

The floppy haired played damaged his knee in a collision with James Milner, who has an ordinary haircut and rarely, if ever, mugs, grins, goofs, jokes, takes the piss, hikes up his shorts to his chest, or does anything apart from his expected job duties as a footballer.

"We hope it's not serious," said Hull's camera-shy manager Phil Brown, his salmon jumper tied around his neck. "The lad lives and breathes football. He's just about as important to our season as I am."

"Nuffink you can do about it, Guv," the affable Bullard said, shrugging. "That's life, know what I mean? Yeah, course you do, Guv. Alright?"

Benitez: It's not trophies that matter, but the memory of trophies

Under siege Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez today said that winning trophies is not the only standard of success Liverpool fans should accept. They should also remember trophies won in penalties four or five years ago.

"We had 86 points last season, but we didn't win the Championship, so some people say it was not a good season for us," Benitez said. "But these people must remember we won the Champions League just a little more than 4 years ago, which would be only 2.36 Mars years, because of their larger orbit."

Benitez refused to blame his side's current poor form on the absence of missing stars Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres. "We can still win if they are injured," he said. "We didn't even have Torres on that day in Istanbul, which was, off the top of my head, 1,620 days ago. So this proves we can win."

Benitez also revealed he will take his squad on holiday during the next international break. "It's important for the players to bond," he said. Asked where they would go, he shrugged and said, "I haven't really thought of it. I don't know. Maybe Turkey."

Joey Barton: "This will be the year I get my career back on track, and finally kill someone."

Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton, currently suspended by the Championship-bound side, stated his goal to "Achieve all my dreams" by bringing the Magpies back to the Premier League, and finally killing someone.

"I know I can get my career back on track," he said, admitting that he had "lost focus" in the previous year. "It's a new challenge," Barton added, talking about Newcastle's relegation. "My goals are to win back the faith of the manager and fans, help the team back into the Premier League, and finally kill someone."

Despite his best efforts, the 26-year-old Huyton-born midfielder has never successfully killed anyone. He has broken the leg of a pedestrian with his car, stubbed out a lit cigar in a youth player's eye, assaulted former teammate Ousmane Dabo, assaulted a 15-year-old Everton supporter, assaulted two men outside a McDonald's, and tried to cut Liverpool's Xabi Alonso in half, but none of the incidents resulted in death.

"It's like a golfer or tennis player trying to win their first Major championship," Barton said of his ongoing quest to end a human life. "It might be that I'm trying too hard, thinking about it too much. I just need to get out of my own way and let it happen."